I never expected octopus to be so slimy. Never. Remember, this fellow was frozen solid, and I had running cold water over it for a good 5 hours. The slime just seemed to ooze out of every crevice, just a viscous layer of clear discharge. You clean it as well as you can, and then hope for the best.
I admit, having never handled octopus before, I was making things up as I went along. With no clue of how to prepare it (to be edible at least), it was a free for all. Absolute freedom, yes, but also no pressure - the only thing I promised was that I wasn't going to give anyone food poisoning. So, to begin, I slowly poached it in aggressively salted water on a low simmer, for about 50 minutes. Look how repulsive it looks - we played around with the suction cups (they suck hard), and the long, firm tentacles. Defrosted, this is an impressive specimen, and heavy as well. Once it cooks, the water turns dark purple, and the colour of the octopus deepens as well. Quite beautiful, in fact - enough to make you momentarily forget you're about to eat an extra from Pirates of the Caribbean.
Step one, of my first attempt to serve a sea monster for dinner.