Tuesday, September 18, 2012
keeping promises and finding purpose
I miss my grand old man so much.
I'm not religious so I don't pray; a constant point of contention with my devout non-denominational Christian parents, but it's not something that can be forced. I do, however, have conversations with my grandfather. They're mostly one-sided, but occasionally, I'll hear him reply. I imagine he'll tell me to shut up and stop complaining; to just get the job done. To always be a careful and responsible person. So I was out running on Sunday, doing uphill sprints and stair climbs, as is my usual weekend routine. And just as I was feeling hammered and completely spent, I kind of heard him in my ear, telling me I couldn't quit halfway through. And so I listened, and finished my laps - painful, but I stopped complaining, and got the job done.
I'm about 2 days away from submitting my first business school application. Tired of hearing me moan about it yet?! It feels like a big step because 8 months ago, I had no idea I was even going to pursue graduate school. Things have been slowly moving along, but now comes the ultimate test, to see if this will all work out. I don't know, man, I simply do not remotely have any idea about my chances of getting into these schools. A smart person would have backups ready. Just 2 more months to go of this horrible, horrible process. Is this all worth it? I made a promise once, that I was going to make something of myself; success defined as being able to take care of my family. I was taught never to make idle promises. And suddenly, answering the question Why am I going for an MBA? becomes so simple.
Thinking of my old man helps - I give a tap to my heart, finger point to the sky, and somehow I feel him there. He's always in my thoughts, in my purpose for everything I do. And above all else, I want to make him proud of me.