Monday, November 19, 2012

ready to go at it again

All photos courtesy of ROKChoi Photography

It's been a long week. A long year, in fact. A tough few months all around, but amidst all the bitterness and suffering, a glimmer of sweetness.

I've been missing from here, was busy all of last week sending in my 3rd application. I knew this whole process was going to take a lot out of me, but I didn't expect this much. Writing the essays and reflecting on what I bring to an MBA vis–√†–vis existing skill-sets and experience ... goddammit, it's drawing out all these insecurities. You think you're a clever, unique person, but really, you're not. You're just like all the other schmucks submitting, innit. It's a bit difficult to accept, but there it is. This last application in particular, has actually taught me a lot. You think you're creative, you think you're brilliant and have all these profound ideas ... much more work needed, more focus, more thought.

And this process has really made me thankful for my true friends. I'm so lucky to have people in my life I trust, who always have my back, who always speak the bright, blessed truth. So the overriding question of this whole thing is Who am I? And shit, that's one of the most difficult questions I've ever had to answer. So let's take it one step at a time, one topic at a time. And naturally, I start with wine.

I suppose above all, I love wine for its honesty. For the moments of clarity it gives, when you taste something so deeply meaningful and profound that the clouds part, the sun shines through, and you suddenly understand the point of it all. Fleeting, and like a good dream, forgotten just as quickly ... but we know those moments exist, and we try to cherish them when they come. I was asked if the wines you like the most are a reflection of your personality. I believe so, strongly. I can only speak for myself - if you take a running list of the wines that mean the most to me ... well, that's DF right there. Honest, authentic wines, completely odious and hard to love right away. But over time, as they mature and you really come to understand them, they will be the most enlightening wine experiences you will ever have. Yes I'm introverted, yes I don't generally get along (or even like) most people, but come on, I'm old enough to not waste my time hanging out with people I don't particularly care for. And you can call me snobbish or standoff-ish, or even asshole-ish for it.

So what's next? I haven't actually been drinking much wine recently. Not in the mood, kind of trying to budget more carefully - lots of reasons why things have been a bit dry at home. One more school to work on, then it's a few months of sweating it out for a decision to come down. Fun. But at least the holidays are coming up. Hope everyone has a great week! No rest for the hard-working.


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