Sunday, June 2, 2013

the things that can happen in a month

So, no secret that I've had a rough month. Busy at work, and finalizing things for school - yet another interview with a business school in Paris (guess which). But that wasn't the anvil dropping on my head. No, I can handle work, can handle all of that - it's what's going on personally that I'm struggling with. It's been a shitstorm man, and I feel so swept up in its gale-force winds that I don't know which way is up. Yes, it's not exactly becoming to air my shit out like this, but I always did have a tendency to over-share here. Fuck it. Not like I have much of a reputation to uphold anyways.

I try my best to be a careful, responsible person, and to always do things the right way, to do the right thing. Does it always make what I say or do good and ideal? Clearly, it doesn't. Intentions can be pure, but the consequences of my words and actions sometimes go on divergent paths. And I don't know what to do, because as several friends have said, you can rationalize all you want, but feelings are feelings; you can't help them. So I carry on as best as I can, and try to act responsibly with everyone's best interests in mind. Was it right for me to step away from my relationship given the circumstances? I don't know. But we go on from the situation and try to make the best of things moving forward.

A month. That's all it took, for so many things to happen. May started on such a high note - I was just coming off a great birthday with my friends, and had the week off from work. Relaxing, eating out, and managed to squeeze in a short tasting trip to Niagara as well. And then, poof ... there is no manual for this kind of thing, is there. Everyone has their piece of advice to give, their words of wisdom, but for better or worse, I just need to deal with this on my own terms. 

So enough of the fucking emoting. Let's get to work, because there's a shitload of important decisions that have to be made soon, and lots of items on the checklist. I have next week off, and will make my decision, officially, about which business school I will be attending. Making another tasting trip to Niagara as well - most likely, this will be my last one for a long, long time. And most of all, to spend time with my family and friends - my loved ones - because come the fall, who knows when I'll get the chance to do so again. I remain a fool, but I also remain hopeful.


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