Sunday, November 17, 2013

The Nightjar

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Life through a mighty martini. Gin, good portion of vermouth, garnished with a lemon zest. Elegant, pure, and so, so powerful. You know who you are when you drink a martini.

The Friday night in London, after all our company visits were done, I met up with an old friend. She's doing her Master's there, having left for Europe around the same time I did. I've known her since junior high - lots of water under the bridge. It was so good to finally see a familiar face, to catch up, to share and laugh about all the new things we've seen/heard/done. We were talking about how difficult it was for people to understand what we were feeling as we do our programs, how you have to be in it to understand the pressure, the anxiety, the horrifying uncertainty of it all. Well, at least we have each other. She took us to The Nightjar, a speakeasy style cocktail bar in Shoreditch. Long queue to get in, but it was all worth it once we sat down in what looked like a WWII bomb shelter. A live jazz band playing surprisingly pleasant music - how often do you enjoy these live bands in bars?! - dim lights, pretty waitresses, people speaking English. I had a great, great time, and although it ended up being quite an expensive night of drinks, it was by far one of the most enjoyable bar experiences I've ever had.

Last week was terrible. And not because of the schedule. For the first time, I felt truly upset and frustrated. Maybe I'm not working hard enough, maybe I'm just resigning (already?!) to the fact that I just don't understand the material. Whatever it is, I need to get out of it fast. A terribly unproductive Friday evening, and entire weekend, for that matter. And it's nearly 4am, I'm still up, and guess what, still haven't finished working on tomorrow's cases. If this was 2 years ago, the cursing would be like commas. I'm supposed to be a better person than I was 2 years ago. How come it doesn't feel like it. The self-loathing is off the charts tonight.

You know who you are when you drink a martini. That night, I was relaxed, confident, happy; tonight, not so much. Much work to be done.

DF

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